I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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