i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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