all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
