sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
