I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
