It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
