Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
