i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
