All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
