I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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