That's intense
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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