is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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