addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
