we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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