ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
