well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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