ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
