Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
