Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i dont even know how to be here
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
