I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize