Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The air was thick with penises
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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