Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
