Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
