I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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