Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
