i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
