if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
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You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
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Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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