I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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