i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
