I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
