I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
