my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
