I can tuck mytits in my pants
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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