so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
