Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
