If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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