How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
