The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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