i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
two words...techno handjob
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
