I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
