I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
