We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
