Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
