is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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