guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
