somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
