Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
