This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
