How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
im on a boat
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