My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
