also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
