god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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