this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
