I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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