Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
