Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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