Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
