i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
