im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Even my vagina gasped.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
