It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
this just has baby written all over it
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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