I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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