Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I enjoy the company of your penis
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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