mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping