planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?