i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
this beer tastes like vomit already
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?