What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.