Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
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he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
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they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.