i was born a porn star she said
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
