you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
