Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
