I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
